Friday, June 15, 2012

Matt Cain, Jordan Schafer and How Gregor Blanco Saved Perfection



Matt Cain had pitched 6 perfect innings. Jordan Schafer led off the top of the 7th inning, right as the finger nail biting began. What transpired will forever be remembered in Giants lore. Here’s what happened, in the eyes of the television viewer:



Just made out with Houston's line score. 9 more outs and who knows what will happen.


Brandon Crawford is nervous. Been there.



Matt Cain vs Jordan Shafer. Round 1: First pitch strike right down the middle. Your move Jordan.


Lower right corner: Astros manager Brad Mills talking to a coach.

Beau Mills: Let me look at you so I don't have to look at Jordan Schafer's butt

Coach: Kiss me.


After a ball outside, Buster Posey looks at Schafer and tries to distract him by asking him who he thinks would win in a fight: Mermaids or Velociraptors. Schafer does not respond. Now Posey is angry.


After fouling a ball into the left field stands, Jordan Schafer gives up. Matt Cain records rare 2 strike strike out. Perfection lives on. Buster Posey with a victory grab. 


He's back. Schafer rethought it, and has returned to the baseball match. Something is wrong with his face. Perhaps possessed by a Sith lord. Or he's looking at his offensive numbers graphic. 



Count goes to 2-2 as the pitch is in the dirt. Buster Posey takes the opportunity to look at Schafer's butt. He plans to talk to Brad Mills about it later. Can't tell his opinion yet.


Brandon Belt (right) is so nervous, he forgets where home plate is, and takes a wild guess that it's in center field. He is wrong. Matt Cain is too focused to correct him. This just got interesting.


Schafer takes a ball high and stares it down, giving it the stank eye during the throw back to Cain. Jordan Schafer: Master of inanimate objects. 

The count is full 3-2. There is nothing left to be done. Matt Cain vs. Jordan Schafer. Only won can win. 


Matt Cain: The Face of Determination. 


This fan is playing doodle jump during the biggest pitch of a possible perfect game. Kevin Durant will reprimand.



Schafer crushes a 3-2 challenge fastball. A scared Buster Posey gets up quickly. We are all scared. Doodle Jump girl is still playing Doodle Jump.


Angel Pagan and Gregor Blanco running a long time, as Jordan Schafer's picture stares them down. Hope is starting to fade. Pagan and Blanco have .000009% of catching the baseball and .000000001% of getting lasered by Schafer's eyes. The Umpire is running too, but he hasn't exercised in 5 years.


Pagan has given up. Blanco is surely close to doing the same. Possible thoughts by Giants fans at this moment:

- It's over. The Astros suck at everything they can't even take a perfect game.
- Well, at least I can poop now. I've been holding that in since the 5th
- Crap, time to get a cha cha bowl
- What is a Bogusevic?

Related: Brandon Belt just realizes he's not looking at home plate.


It's kind of funny because it looks like young Gregor is trying to extend his little glove. That's cute... he is just adorable...Wait a sec...


Oh my.


  CVVDCVcecCQcqxsaAddacxxe21r39r39890909099191191999

Translated: Gregor Blanco has caught the baseball

 Wait is that the baseball or like an oversized golf ball. They make those now. Are you sure that's a baseball?


Gregor Blanco is sure.


Pump your first Gregor. Pump them like you've never pumped them before. I am pumped. You are pumped. Is Matt Cain pumped?


Yes.


Yes Gregor, they are made of steel. I envy you. I envy this.

Brandon Crawford is checking if he's dreaming


He is not.




Perfection lives on. Thank you Gregor.



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